Chivalry in Today's Society

Chivalry. What image does that conjure up in the mind? Grand knights in shining armour, rescuing damsels and slaying foul dragons? Such knights seem to be considered the pinnacle of Chivalry and Honour, in most old stories.

Strange then, that for all their heroic deeds, these knights wouldn't be considered decent at all by today's standards of chivalry. The time, the present day.. Imagine the poor knight, after a hard day of demon hunting, goes back to the castle just to find the lady of the place accusing him of quaffing and carousing with his fellow knights till the wee small hours...

"...and look, you were with a wench wern't you, a long blonde hair got caught between your armour, I can see it from here, and is that mead on your breath, I thought so, well I suggest you have a long hard thought about this relationship and i'm going to stay at my mothers'" .. and the door slams.

These days, chivalry is mostly to do with protocol and etiquette. You (guys) compliment the ladies on how good they look. You bow deeply on formal occasions (such as formal dinners). You open car doors. You walk closest to the gutter when walking down the street (so any mud splashed up by passing cars hit you instead of her.)

Of course, there is chivalrous, and there is *chivalrous* behaviour. Hand-kissing and throwing your jacket over a puddle are _probably_ going a bit far, these days. But certainly, if one wished to act in a good and proper manner, one could go far worse than to look to chivalry for instruction.

On the other side of the coin, from things you *do* do, there are things that you *don't* do.

Swear. Act improperly. Make lewd or sexual suggestions. Put your own safety or comfort above that of the lady. Make a spectacle of yourself.

As well as these, there are things which your parents probably tried to teach you as a child but you didn't learn if you could help it: These things are quite important, even if you don't want to use them all the time, it is *vitally* important to know how and when to use *Manners*!

Thats right, the "M" word. Firstly: Table Manners. The difference between reaching across the table for the salt, or asking for the salt to be passed. Even if you're reaching across the table to save the other person some effort, it is still bad manners. No chewing with your mouth full. ABSOLUTELY no burping or, ahem, "passing wind".

Secondly: Vocabulary. Come to think of it, no "course" words (such as fart, bum, slut, etcetera) are acceptable to be used. There are always alternatives ("passing wind", "posterior", and words like the others are best left unsaid _completely_.

Thirdly: Actions. Always put the safety and comfort of the lady above your own. If they're cold, offer them you're coat. They're hungry, buy them some food, if you can afford it. That sort of thing.

Girls! When I was asked to write this piece, I thought about what to say, but I came up with a blank here. Being a guy, I know how guys should act! But I can't really offer much advice on telling girls how not to act. Do girls fa-- "pass wind", and belch (burp) repeatedly when hanging out with close friends, and act differently, more socially acceptable, when with others?

I dont know! I know some guys who do that. I personally doubt girls do. But I dont know.

So all I can say at this bit is to advise you to firstly: EXPECT the courtesy you deserve from guys. If you dont mind this, fine. You may not deserve it, if you act in an impolite way yourself. But you can mind this if you act with good intentions and manners at all times.

Go ahead! You're not happy with the lack of respect you seem to be getting from a guy, complain! If you're guy complains that you're trying to change him, or worse, laughs and thinks you're joking, let them know you're dead serious.

But the bit to remember here is, to be treated with honour, you must act with honour.

To go on a tangent at this point, I can see that much of this can be viewed as being meant for a couple either in a relationship, or soon to be in a relationship.

While guys (girls too? I dunno. As I said before, I dont know how girls think. However, to simplify matters, from now on I'll assume (as I privately suspect) that girls do know about manners and respect already, treating their friends like that. I will also assume that girls are just as capable as guys for sick, rude, perverted and innapropriate comments as guys are. I know this is true for some girls, at least (:P) and i'm just going to think that while girls are just as bad as guys in the mind, they seem to practise more self control.) Where was I? Oh yes.

While guys and girls may wish to especially put on a front of chivalric behaviour, including manners, presentation, gallantry (for the guys, of course) and so forth just for a special person: This is only natural, but it is a a good idea to be well behaved to everyone.

1) You'll get more practise at it.

2) you should be doing it anyway.

When I offer to do some favour for a girl, one of the first things my mate (lets call him Dave) says is, "Rich, are you hitting on her?" in 99 cases out of 100, i'm doing it just to be consistant. Even if I dislike a person a bit, I'll still make an offer to be consistant.

Also there are some things you only do for the opposite sex, for instance if a guy tried holding a door open for a guy he'd probably get called a poofter quick smart -- (I'm from Australia, incidentilly) -- but for a girl it is, of course, perfectly acceptable.

Again, this end is engineered more towards guys than girls: Girls can go around hugging each other and no one thinks anything of it, if guys tried that, they'd find how close the other guy's fist is more often than not).

To sum up: Act with manners to enemy, friend, and lover alike, of either sex. Act with chivalry to enemy, friend, and lover alike, of opposite sex.

There is a limit of course to how far you can go: If a friend of yours is upset, you dont go out and buy them a meal at the Hilton and encourage them to say what they've been grumpy about all the time, no, you go to Mc Donalds. A guy may express concern over the welfare of another guy here roughly the same way, but with slight twists: For example, over a beer, one may ask the other "And what's been up your ar--(Cough, "rear end" -- Ed) all day?" to which the ther may reply in kind. But I'm getting away from the point.

The Point Being, Chivalry is not soley manners + socially acceptable favours for the other sex.

In conclusion, chivalry is the way you act. For those of you who are Chrisitans, you probably already act with consideration, care, and compassion to other people. To be chivalrous, learn manners. Learn etiquitte if you wish. But learn manners. And guys, learn how to treat girls. All girls. Not just the one's you "like". And Girls, learn how to treat guys the way you should. What goes for them, goes for you. Not in opposites, but in similar ways. Where gives, one takes. Where one declines, the other withdraws with grace.

While all this may sound bit odd, especially if you come from a background where manners et al were not taught or encouraged. But trust me. This is the score.

BY Richard Uhr

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